Why is breaking up hard to do?

You’ve been dating this guy for a while. It’s not the blissful union you envisioned after that first date. You aren’t happy, you’re not in love, and you want your life to go another direction.

Why don’t you just break up with him?

Why is that so much easier said than done?

Human nature is programmed to resist change, and breaking up is a huge change. It often means selling a house, dividing the contents of the house, supporting yourself on one income, and not having a plus one around. You’re used to this life, and the idea of tearing that down only to go it alone or start over with someone else is daunting, and often too scary to go through with. So you pack your ideals away and stick with what you know, because it’s comfortable.

WATCH: HOW TO GET OVER A DEVASTATING BREAK UP

And so often women get stuck on the impression that to be single is a failure. Thou must get married and have children in order to live a fulfilling life because that’s why your parents did, and their parents, and their parents before them! So instead of building your own happiness as an individual, you look to someone else to provide that.

Or maybe you’re In Love! But if you’re not happy with your relationship, are you in love with your partner, or are you in love with love? One of these things is not like the other, but that doesn’t make walking away from the idea of love any easier. The love you feel is real, just not the best kind.

Then your biological clock is ticking and you really, really want to have children, so you stay with a man who you can tolerate, and pop the dreams that aren’t child-related because you’re in your thirties and it’s now or never.

Making the decision to break up is hard, and so it should be. It IS a big deal. You don’t just cut ties and walk away. You’re tearing down a large part of your life, and the life of someone else who you loved at one time, and who you may still care for. Logic has nothing on emotion, and it’s very difficult to step towards that loss, even if you’re angry, even if you’ve done everything you can to make the relationship work, even when you know you’ll go crazy if you stay with this man.

When you do go through a breakup, either brought on by your own decision or his, accept the grief, the pain, the anger. However you feel after a breakup is right. And once you acknowledge those feelings, experience those feelings, you can step forward into your next journey and really go after what you want.

Here’s what you can do going forward:  

When you’re ready to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.

If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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