When The Relationship Is Good But Not What You Dreamed Of

He tells you that you’re beautiful every day. He notices when you get a haircut. He cooks, and cleans. You love his family, your family loves him. You like the same bands, TV shows, and outdoor activities.

On paper, you guys are matchy-matchy. But do you wonder where that spark is that everyone talks about? Do you wonder if you missed the moment that sealed your soul to his along the way?

WATCH: WHY YOU CHASE GUYS WHO PULL AWAY AND RUN FROM ATTENTIVE MEN

You haven’t missed it. If you’re looking for a sign from the universe to tell you that you love this man, stop looking around and look within instead.

Do fireworks fly in real life romantic love? Sure! Not for everyone, but we’ve all seen the light of love in the eyes of a couple on their wedding day. That thrill of love is real. If you’re wondering whether you’ve found the man you’ve been hoping for, I hate to tell you this, but you haven’t. If you have to ask, he’s not The One.

Ok wait, WAIT! Maybe don’t break up with him right this second. How long have you know him? You have to give love time to root and bloom, (author’s personal disclaimer: I believe in love at first sight. But I also believe it’s an ultra-rare occurrence). But if you’re ready to consider that this could be the relationship you want to stay in forever and you feel even a niggling of doubt, then you need to decide whether he is the best man for you or if he’s the best you think you’re going to get.

Those are 2 very different things, my friend.

If he’s a great person, and you can make it work, are you going to be happy with just that? Or is there a deeper connection you wanted for the rest of your life? If you’re having second thoughts, is it fair to HIM to stay with him? If you’re asking yourself if you can live with certain habits he has, or even him, you’re with the wrong man. If you were with the right man you wouldn’t see those habits as deal-breakers. I’m not saying it wouldn’t annoy you when you see water rings on the furniture, but you wouldn’t think “that’s it, I’m done!” because of them. And you’d probably buy him coasters for every birthday.

Most importantly, you need to find out why you’re asking yourself these questions. It may be that you need more time to date this man in order to discover if he’s your true love. It could be that you’ve never felt this strongly about a man before and it scares you. It might be that you’ve been here before, been broken-hearted, and you’re shy about getting so involved again. It could be that you feel pressured by your biological clock, family, or friends to find a life partner, enjoy the benefits of a dual-income, no longer be the third wheel, or to have children.

Regardless of your reasons for second-guessing your relationship, you should be honest with yourself, and him. If you’re second-guessing your relationship because you genuinely aren’t sure whether you can live with this man, then you need to be honest with yourself. And him. Maybe love still has a chance here. But if it’s not right, it’s time to move on. Do you give up on love? No. Your chance to find love does not have an expiry date. Don’t settle for anything less.

Here’s what you can do going forward:  

T make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s perfect for you, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.

If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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