What’s on your Mind: Dating in your 30s

Mind and Heart: Blogging about the Science of Love – By Catherine Muss

Thirty-somethings typically have the same ambitions; great job, lots of money, settle down.

Great! Men and women are on the same page in their 30s! Dating will be so easy!

Is it?

Women tend to experience a Quarter Life Crises in their late 20s all the way up to Flirty 30. Those steps toward and into a new decade cause us to reflect on where we’ve been, where we are, and where we thought we’d be at age 30. Often the ideals are married with children and a successful career. But if we aren’t married, we don’t have kids, our career isn’t where, or even what, we want, and our biological clock just started ticking very loudly, anxiety creeps in. We doubt ourselves, forget our successes and throw ourselves into dating, believing that love is going to make all of our insecurities disappear.

That’s not sexy.

If thirty-something men are looking to settle down it’s because they have declared the dating game no longer a game, but a crucial step towards the next phase of their life. Their biological clock is ticking because they want to be healthy, active fathers, and they have started to notice the difference in their energy between their 20-year-old body and their 30-year-old body. A 30-something man is looking for a soulmate, not a balanced budget. So if you’re freaking out because life isn’t what you wanted it to be at 30, and you’re in the dating pool, take steps to achieve your goals and be confident in yourself. Confidence is sexy!

Success is what you make of it. Self-confidence goes a long way when you’re searching for The One. If that Quarter Life Crises has hit – and I’ve been there so believe me when I tell you, you’ll know – use it as fuel to take stock of your life and choose to be happy, even if you make a career change or find yourself newly single and not loving it. Look at your life from another angle and have faith in yourself so that you have the strength to discard whatever is holding you back.

To the single ladies out there who are celebrating success in their 30s, first of all; *high five*! But beware because you face a dating dilemma too: intimidation. You have the career, the car, the travel, the friends and family connections, and a man may wonder what he can offer you. Does that mean he doesn’t want a strong, intelligent, successful, independent woman? No! And therein lies the distinction between dating a man and dating a guy. Is the colloquialism “just some man”? No, it’s “just some guy” because “guys” are the slackers who wait for life to happen. They’re looking for a new toy, but you want to build a future with someone. A man will see your ambitious spark and be drawn to it because he wants to share the rest of his life with you, not just the next several weekends. But a man’s biological makeup dictates that he provides for and protects his family, so your achievements may make him doubt you would ever consider him a catch. Communication is key. Tell him why you’re dating, what you’re looking for in a partner, and why you’re looking specifically at him. Communication is sexy!

Catherine Muss is a freelance writer based in Waterloo Region. She has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University, and she would have minored in psychology if she’d taken the “right” psych classes, but she took the fun ones instead.   

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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