What’s On Your Mind: Dating in Your 20s

Dating in your 20s is like…absolutely nothing else.

Let’s start with dating and technology. Ten years ago it wasn’t obscure for someone not to have a cell phone, even in their 20s. Now it’s absurd if a twenty-something doesn’t have a smartphone, tablet, their own blog, seven social media accounts they update hourly, and a fitbit.

Get your head out of your apps!

Listen, if you want to meet someone online, by all means. I know several deliriously happy couples who connected online first. Key word there is “first”. If you want to get to know someone, it’s got to be in person. I cannot stress this enough. The written/texted/Facebooked words of a person do not properly reflect who they are. Written words are strategic, edited versions of what is really going through someone’s mind and give little insight about behaviour. What if he’s a loud chewer and you can’t stand that? What if he’s a clutterbug and you’re a neat freak? What if he’s rude to restaurant staff? Don’t fall in love with a profile.

WATCH: WHY YOU’LL LOVE NO MORE ASSHOLES

Then there are the actual twenty-somethings. It’s a growing trend that women are settling down much later than we used to. It’s not uncommon for women to start a family in their 30s. In our 20s we have too much going on because of that splintering glass ceiling. We want to discover ourselves, build a career and travel the world before retirement, thank you very much. This makes dating in your 20s a series of affairs and can make you wonder what you’re doing.

It definitely makes men wonder what you’re doing.

Sit down and be honest with yourself.

You read that correctly. Why are you dating right now? What do you want out of a relationship? How much time and effort are you willing to commit to romance? By being honest with yourself before you start something, you’ll be doing yourself a favour, and your beau. Men have marshmallow hearts and it’s being crushed in their 20s that causes them to become jaded. So after you’re honest with yourself, be honest with him, and together – or apart – you’ll make smart choices.

The flip side is that men have always been known to settle down later in life. How many romance novels, historical or contemporary, have 2 early twenty-somethings falling for each other? Like, none. Look for the red flags of a playboy; he calls you to meet up last minute (because his plans fell apart and now he’s bored!), you haven’t met his friends or family (is he hiding you? Why?), he avoids answering questions seriously, or at all (because he isn’t in this for your mind!). A man who is serious about your relationship will make time for you, will plan in advance, will show you off to his friends and can’t wait for you to meet his family. He will answer you honestly, in depth, and will ask questions too, because he’s genuinely interested in you.

Here’s what you can do going forward:

If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.

If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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