Are your relationships prone to failure? Well…would you date you?

This is for all my girls out who meet the men, date the men, and don’t keep the men. Not just for my girls who find great guys but not love, and not just for my girls who find losers and are starting to think being a crazy cat lady is starting to appeal. This is for all my girls who are done with dating déjà vu.

WATCH: THE 7 QUALITIES REAL MEN LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN

If you try and try and try and fail at relationships, it’s time to consider that you may be the problem. Maybe you’ve looked at your hot self in the mirror and thought, “Yeah, I’d shag me,” which is fabulous, but would you commit to a long-term relationship with yourself?

That scenario may sound ridiculous, but the adage “opposites attract” is romanticised and taken way out of context. Look to your closest friends; you love to spend time with them because you have much in common. And it’s likely that you don’t keep in avid touch with other friends because you have less in common with them than your core tribe. Yes, you and your friends have some different interests and opinions, but that’s what keeps the relationship fresh, fun, and helps you continue to grow as a contributing member of society.

Apply the friendship levels to dating. After all, you’re looking for your very best friend as the ultimate outcome. What are you looking for in your ideal man? Does he listen? Is he considerate? Does he like to travel? Does he take the initiative to take care of household chores? Are you looking for someone who is financially stable? Knows where he wants to go with his career? Pays the bills on time? Budgets like a pro?

Go over your list again. How many of those points would your future love find in you?

Dating is the path to finding a partner for life, not someone to solve your problems but to support you through them – and you through theirs. Delve into your heart’s desire and ask yourself why you want these specific attributes in a man. Does your list indicate you’re looking for a parent or a partner?

When it comes to dating and love, opposites attract because they complement each other. When an extrovert and an introvert get together they help each other out. Maybe the extrovert provides a buddy system for the introvert in what might be overwhelming social situations. And maybe the introvert teaches the extrovert how to appreciate quiet time. But when you have someone who spends money just because there’s a sale dating someone who hoards it because they trust the economy will dissolve by morning, there’s cause for concern, (Fight! Fight! Fight!), unless each party is willing to meet in the middle.

So if you’ve been looking for someone who pays his bills on time and you do not, make the effort to pay those bills! Don’t use a man as an excuse to have the life you want. Take responsibility for your dreams and make them happen yourself. Be irresistible, not irresponsible and see if you don’t catch the eye of a man more your speed.

And who knows, that handsome man leading the budgeting-for-beginners seminar you just signed up for might be your future Mr. Right!

Here’s what you can do going forward:

To find someone ready to commit get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing. He’s out there, I promise.

If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

Relationships prone to failure? Well…would you date you?

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