Rebounding Like It’s 1999: Breaking Up and The Art of Regression

He is outta there!

You’ve broken up, that cleared your joint social calendar, and you’re boxing his crap up and leaving it on the front lawn in a rainstorm. Suddenly you have no responsibilities, you report to no one, and you are free!

Feeling like you’ve jumped into the Fountain of Youth is a common side effect of a breakup. You go from comfortably committed to partying like a 20-year-old in the span of a few days. And it’s glorious!

WATCH: 3 STEPS TO GET SOMEONE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

You’re crafting online dating profiles galore and have the selfie photoshoots to prove it.

You’re meeting up with friends you haven’t gone to the bar with in years – heck, you haven’t even been to a bar in years. And your cares are shoved carelessly over there, under the piles of emotions and reality you’ve decided you’re done with.

Someone heard your ex has a new car? You don’t care.

You’re out 6 nights a week? Cool!

Five guys have asked you out on Plenty of Fish? Sweet!

You’re done with your ex, you are ready to party, you aren’t in any mood to settle down, and you’ll take a close look at every single fish in the sea who looks your way. You are on the rebound! And everyone knows it! And you know it, too.

Being on the rebound isn’t a bad thing, but be conscious of what you’re doing.

Regressing to your last known dating age is a common rebound strategy.

It’s natural to go back to the last time you had to think about dating, so you gravitate to your old stomping grounds and behaviour pre-ex. How long ago was that? A year ago? 10? More importantly, who were you when you met him and how have you changed?

Change is such a tricky concept; as humans we’re wired to resist change, yet change is a natural part of life.

You are not the same person you were at the start of your last relationship. Whether you met your ex a few months or a few decades ago your relationship helped you to grow, to know yourself better and what you want out of love. And the general passing of time has affected your job, your finances, your family connections, and your friendships, which in turn changed your goals and lifestyle. Your breakup didn’t change your whole life, that’s been happening organically.

Going back to a time before you experienced anything to do with your ex will not make the hurt go away.

In fact there’s a damn good chance you’ll find another guy exactly like your ex because you are recreating that serendipitous scene. Remember how that relationship didn’t work? Yes, you need to make a change, but it needs to be from growth, not regression. You are not a 20-year-old looking for a free drink and delicious eye candy anymore. You’re the 2016 version of you, and you rock! And you’re looking for commitment, maturity, and love. If you’re not putting your real desires out there you aren’t going to attract that man. And he’s out there looking for you!

This breakup has knocked you off your game.

You’re feeling lost, sad, and unconfident. Go out and have a good time while you remember how fabulous you are, but know that that’s what you’re doing and let having fun with your friends and healing be your priority instead of hooking up. When you’re ready to open your heart to love again approach it from the state of mind that you want that relationship to be; committed, mature, and real.

Here’s what you can do going forward:

If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.

If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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